There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
