i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
