if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I believe in your delicious
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
