I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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