Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
