just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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