chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
