Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
