I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
