I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
