You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
