He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
