Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
