We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
