R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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