I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
