he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I did not marry a roomba.
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