Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
