My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
