I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
