this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
