i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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