Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize