Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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