I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
