I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
