I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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