And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
