sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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