Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
