Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
