She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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