this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
