i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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