Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
