i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize