I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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