you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
