I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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