Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
