I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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