you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
