1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
