i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
