im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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