would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
