Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
