I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
