The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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