you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
