the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize