I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
