How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
