Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
