Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
