I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am one with the molecules
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
