they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
apparently the secret to your success is patron
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
