I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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