it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
