You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
sarcasm needs its own font
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
