apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize