ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize