i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
