Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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