Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
