Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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