I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
