Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize