I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
