Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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