I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
