after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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