Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
