mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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