Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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