Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize