I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
