Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
