so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
