The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize