i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
