he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
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