dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
