I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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