I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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