yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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