if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
