Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
