i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
