I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
