About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
