he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
