I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
