we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have aggressive nipples.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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