Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize