I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
