I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
