Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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