I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
