Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize