I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
