i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
