I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
