when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You took a bar mat shot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
