it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
