i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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