He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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