My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
