I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
