Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
