i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
