i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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