onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize