THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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