Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
