I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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