My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
