if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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