Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
