bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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