Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i think my tv is drunk
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
