I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
