I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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