You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
