Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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