Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
