She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
