I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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