Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize