there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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